So I haven't written on this thing in a while. Here's what's on my plate:

1) uncertain future. Do I stay in NYC or not? There are tons of factors on both sides to consider. Money, it seems, is my biggest one. I have plans for the future, and those plans need money. Right now, I'm bleeding out a steady stream of it. This is not a good thing. Not in the least. Aside from cash money, I do enjoy the city, though I haven't got much going on there, which is why I find myself spending more and more time in CT. It is just easier to find something to do here. Silly things like taking a book outside and sitting on the grass to read...it's just easier. Maybe I'm not cut out for the city? I do like open spaces a lot. One can cite my love of the midwest for this. I also enjoy trees, not the trees trapped by concrete, but ones that have been around for hundreds of years. Trees that were here before us. You know, history. Also, I feel 1000 times healthier out here. I can run and frolic with the deer. Not really, but I am a lot more physically active thanks to the numerous hockey rinks. In New York I either have to drive a half hour or lug a bag down to Coney Island to even have the chance of playing, and it's only a chance. Here, I can show up and play for free, no doubt. It's odd how something so strange as a sport can really make you miss a state. There's more to this, but I do want to move on.

2) Industry. The job world hates me. I'm positive. Interviews are few and far between. I think I'm going to start going more abstract. I had a dream where someone said to me. "Hey man, screw this. Let's go upper middle class." I'm not even sure what the context was, but I just thought it was an odd thing to be said. I lack the means to be upper middle class, at least on my own. I think it sticks with me because I'm looking to get a job that would ring with that crew. Yuppies. I kind of want to be one. At least they have purpose in their lives.

3) Creation. I have this odd idea to band people I know of similar views together and make something beautiful. This thing would be on film, and it would be able to travel across borders and across the world, spreading thought and introspection. I may be thinking too grandly here, but I want to make a movie, get it out there, and get some recognition. I feel as though I know too many people that are good at what they do, and that I have to DO something with that. We used to talk of making a studio of sorts, and really, it's not that hard of a process. The only thing that is needed is money. The nice thing is money can be found in the oddest places. Banks. But then again, I don't have a gun nor the desire to go to prison, so it's time to save, work, and be willing to sacrifice. I don't want this thing to be a pipe dream. It really is something that I want to do, and I am willing to work for it. People say they're down, but you never really know. Within 1 year I want to have a short film done, something that can get on the festival circuit. That shouldn't be too hard. From there, things will either continue or not. It just takes time to find out.

4) Still single. Sort of forgot about this point for a while. In fact, I've rationalized it as a joke. I don't really even think about it seriously anymore. What happens happens. Nothing more than that.

5) I really want to learn "99 Luftballons". German rules.

6) 6.

7) Still feeling mobile, though more realistic about it. My urge for travel has subsided to the point of local romps and constitutionals across towns. Nothing grand or interesting. The summer will hopefully lead to something more interesting, as people I know will be dispersed across the land.

And that does it. That's where I am right now, and where I'll be going. Nothing is certain right now, in the short term. This may upset some, ruin lives, burn Rome, but there are times where you have to do things for yourself, and if you're not happy, then you're doing something wrong.

I'm young and foolish, and chances are, you are too. Do something stupid, but know that it's not the end of the world.

-ccmas