I wonder about dynamics.
I wonder how groups shift to engulf people while expelling them at the same time. I wonder how it all comes into being, and why it does. Is it the fact that people need to be entertained, to not become stagnant? Who is on the ins, and who is on the outs? Who knows?

But that's aside from the point. No, it's not. Is life really as good as it ever seems? Have people settled their problems? Hmm.

if you read this page often, or at all, tell me what you think of this, as a monologue:

MEDARD:
If I am to go, I mean, if I am to be made into one of those things that lurks in the darkness could I just say that I never wanted to hurt her, I never wanted to make her cry. I only wanted to be able to live my own life, to do what I want, to be my own person. We didn't see eye to eye. I knew that she loved me like no other. I know that she gave me her heart, trusted me, put her life into me, but I didn't want it. It wasn't for me. True love doesn't exist, it is a figment of our imaginations. When we feel something so powerfully, so intensely we sometimes think that other people must think it too, because it is that powerful. We feel like the world must know what we're feeling. We feel like nothing can hurt us; we feel invincible. The thing that we forget is that we are not. Life is a lot more arbitrary than we give it credit for. As much as she loved me, I could never give it back to her, I could never give her my soul. I loved her, yes, but that was it. I began and it ended.


i want to submit something to the art mag, but what? hmmm.

here's to the academy awards, and how i am really not interested this year, oddly.

-ccm