Been a while, back, and still as lost as ever.
The End.
-ccmas
ps: some stuff has happened, but in all honesty, it doesn't matter all that much. None of this really matters. I find myself feeling like that more and more as the days go by. It's like I have this promising future something out there, but I just have to wait, and fuck, I'm not feeling patient! I really would like for things to really ramp up now, but it's always wait wait wait. Everytime I really get that itch to hit the road something comes up, but it's always far enough away that it irks me. Now I've got a gig doing some PA work. But it's 2 weeks away. In the meantime, I will thrash and claw at what I consider to be my situation, thinking about how much I want to be doing something, but also considering how little satisfaction I've found in just about everything that I've done for the past 2 years. Give me an upside. To say I've been in a funk is an understatement. To say that I'll ever get out of it would be the greatest news anyone ever told me.
I also have this constant fear that someone is going to sneak up behind me whenever I really get into typing. Maybe with a knife, maybe just to poke me. But I get that odd feeling, and it really freaks me out.
I am a bundle of neurotic energy. Look, and be dazzled. Woo.
The Red Sox won the world series today. Whoopie. You know what's more annoying than a Yankee fan? A Red Sox fan. They think that because they suffered so long that their entitled to something. Guess what? A lot of teams wait a long time to win. The Rangers waited 54 years to win a cup. After they won, the fans weren't dicks. They were just the same old fans. Wait, does this mean that the majority of Red Sox fans are dicks with an overinflated estimation of the importance of their team in the greater geopolitical scene? Maybe. All I know is the asshole ones and the new ones really, really get my goat. Same with Yankees fans. We'll see who the real Yankees fans are next year, when they rebuild.
Fuck, this is so worthless. But it is making me feel better.
Current Injury Report:
Partially torn ligament in my right knee
Mystery bruise on my right forearm that makes holding anything take a lot of effort
Right shoulder hurting with the cold, still making that clicking noise
Left ankle: some sort of neurological thing where I have constant pain in my heel
Neck pain: thanks to that car crash I get this a lot. Feels like I need to crack it, but can't.
And I have a cold.
Mainly I just want the ankle thing to go away. When I get up in the morning I can't really move it. Also have this on spot on my shinbone that always hurts. Had an X-ray done of my knee for the ligament and they said there was nothing wrong, yet it still hurts. Goddamnit.
On the bright side, Grad school applications are going ok. I'm in pretty good health, and I have no outstanding debt looming over my head. Apple stock has been through the roof, so I have a little cash to play with. I have a modicum of a social life. I have friends who I cherish and care for deeply, and a dog which always makes me laugh and smile.
Still no girl. I do have hockey, though with the abuse I take from that I might as well be dating Ike Turner.
Really, I'm just full of this greater feeling about everything that I know everyone else has had. It's that feeling where you want to do everything but you can't do anything, so you feel useless and want to vanish completely. Basically, right this moment, I feel like I am 15 again. Only now I know what music to listen to. Smiths/Radiohead here I come!
How've you been? That's always my favorite question.
The End.
-ccmas
ps: some stuff has happened, but in all honesty, it doesn't matter all that much. None of this really matters. I find myself feeling like that more and more as the days go by. It's like I have this promising future something out there, but I just have to wait, and fuck, I'm not feeling patient! I really would like for things to really ramp up now, but it's always wait wait wait. Everytime I really get that itch to hit the road something comes up, but it's always far enough away that it irks me. Now I've got a gig doing some PA work. But it's 2 weeks away. In the meantime, I will thrash and claw at what I consider to be my situation, thinking about how much I want to be doing something, but also considering how little satisfaction I've found in just about everything that I've done for the past 2 years. Give me an upside. To say I've been in a funk is an understatement. To say that I'll ever get out of it would be the greatest news anyone ever told me.
I also have this constant fear that someone is going to sneak up behind me whenever I really get into typing. Maybe with a knife, maybe just to poke me. But I get that odd feeling, and it really freaks me out.
I am a bundle of neurotic energy. Look, and be dazzled. Woo.
The Red Sox won the world series today. Whoopie. You know what's more annoying than a Yankee fan? A Red Sox fan. They think that because they suffered so long that their entitled to something. Guess what? A lot of teams wait a long time to win. The Rangers waited 54 years to win a cup. After they won, the fans weren't dicks. They were just the same old fans. Wait, does this mean that the majority of Red Sox fans are dicks with an overinflated estimation of the importance of their team in the greater geopolitical scene? Maybe. All I know is the asshole ones and the new ones really, really get my goat. Same with Yankees fans. We'll see who the real Yankees fans are next year, when they rebuild.
Fuck, this is so worthless. But it is making me feel better.
Current Injury Report:
Partially torn ligament in my right knee
Mystery bruise on my right forearm that makes holding anything take a lot of effort
Right shoulder hurting with the cold, still making that clicking noise
Left ankle: some sort of neurological thing where I have constant pain in my heel
Neck pain: thanks to that car crash I get this a lot. Feels like I need to crack it, but can't.
And I have a cold.
Mainly I just want the ankle thing to go away. When I get up in the morning I can't really move it. Also have this on spot on my shinbone that always hurts. Had an X-ray done of my knee for the ligament and they said there was nothing wrong, yet it still hurts. Goddamnit.
On the bright side, Grad school applications are going ok. I'm in pretty good health, and I have no outstanding debt looming over my head. Apple stock has been through the roof, so I have a little cash to play with. I have a modicum of a social life. I have friends who I cherish and care for deeply, and a dog which always makes me laugh and smile.
Still no girl. I do have hockey, though with the abuse I take from that I might as well be dating Ike Turner.
Really, I'm just full of this greater feeling about everything that I know everyone else has had. It's that feeling where you want to do everything but you can't do anything, so you feel useless and want to vanish completely. Basically, right this moment, I feel like I am 15 again. Only now I know what music to listen to. Smiths/Radiohead here I come!
How've you been? That's always my favorite question.
posted by CCMAS | 1:54 AM
1 Comments:
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