The Cat's Meow

The absurd world through the eyes of a cat...one who occasionally grumbles...

3.22.2005

What do you say to a ghost?
What do you do when you randomly are confronted by someone you were very close with, but haven't seen in a year?
What?

I stood there, my mouth agape. I couldn't believe that Bridget had been driving behind me for oh so many miles, and that not only that, but she stopped where I stopped. I wanted to talk to her for hours, to hang out with her like we used to. No chance though.

She had to go to a funeral.
I have great timing.

I feel really badly for the man who died. He was their father's father, and a good man, from what I could gather. He had been sick, as of last year, and his condition never really improved. He began his slow slide, and finally reached the bottom. I feel badly for his family, for his wife.

I sent my condolences with Bridget as she hopped into her Ford Focus and sped away. I felt really lost then. When she left, I felt dislocated from time. Suddenly the past and the present met. Bridget met my friend Saraswati from school, and my two worlds meshed. I started thinking, after Bridget left, about how much I missed her, and being around her. She was a really good friend, the sister of my ex, and a person who I haven't seen for a year. It was only a year, but when someone is about 16ish, that's a lifetime. Since I last saw her, she turned into a womanly figure, tall and mature looking. You could see it in her eyes. She finally figured out how to deal with the bullshit some, and just radiated confidence.

Maybe I'm reaching. But I fell out of my present when she left. I just couldn't make any sense of anything around me, and frankly, I didn't care to. I felt an emptiness over the information I didn't know, about how her life was and whatnot. I wonder if I can rectify this?

That was the cap to a good day, I think. A day out with a friend and a meeting with an old one.

As for me? Right now I'm sitting here, bored, writing. I have a beer and 4 walnuts to keep me company, and I am really wondering just how to go on with this, how to get back in touch with people, succesfully. I'll tell myself I'll do it tomorrow, but I won't. I'll be too scared to actually go through with it. 3 walnuts, less beer now. It's Pete's Wicked Ale, which I am enjoying. I want to build bridges from my island, bridges to the past and the future, all around, make myself into a hub for international trade.

It's going to be a long night, one filled with thoughts of the things that were, and the things that I should do, but ultimately, won't.

-ccm

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