Man, I am not good at having disabilities.
So my neck will take pretty much a year to get back to full strength. I can live with that. For the most part, it hasn't even hindered me much at all since physical therapy ended, which is a very good thing. All the vertebrae are moving well, and I can move my head around, though I still can't shake my head "no" with any enthusiasm.
Thing is, tonight at hockey, I realized that I am indeed still fucked up quite a bit. The doctor had said that no matter what I do, possibly for the rest of my life, I will suffer back pain and just a general weakness with my neck and upper back. Great. I didn't think much of this, but back to tonight...
It was a shitty game, but the ice was nice and hard. The rink was unusually hot, and I just couldn't focus for god knows what reason. I've had this problem since I've started playing again, where I just can't seem to focus on the action and the puck, and things just don't go right for me. We were down 5-2, as a result, and whilst moving laterally across the net I caught an edge and fell down. Though embarassing, this used to be no big deal. Now, it almost put me out of action. Even with adrenaline going my body just began to tense up to try and protect the weakened joints. I went from being able to glide around without much work to taking baby steps to try and get an angle. Thankfully, there wasn't much action for the last bit of the game, but by the time it was over I was just dead.
So I barely could carry my stuff to the car. Imagine being punched in the spine, right about where your shoulder blades meet, in that one that kind of sticks out a little more than the others. That's what it feels like, and I am not a happy person about this. It sort of reminds me that I am mortal, that I have limits, and that I can't just do the things I want to do with reckless abandon. Hell, what kills me is the fact that it was me slipping and not doing anything constructive. Just something stupid. When I know the impact is coming, I can brace for it, but this was just sudden and jarring. My elbow took most of it, but the impact just freaked my body out.
So here I am, icing, then heating, then icing again until it feels better, which I hope it does. If it doesn't, well, I don't know what I'll do. Already I am old and frail, at the tender age of 22. I had the thought that these things just don't happen, but they happen all the time. Really, aren't we all just lucky to be alive?
-ccmas
So my neck will take pretty much a year to get back to full strength. I can live with that. For the most part, it hasn't even hindered me much at all since physical therapy ended, which is a very good thing. All the vertebrae are moving well, and I can move my head around, though I still can't shake my head "no" with any enthusiasm.
Thing is, tonight at hockey, I realized that I am indeed still fucked up quite a bit. The doctor had said that no matter what I do, possibly for the rest of my life, I will suffer back pain and just a general weakness with my neck and upper back. Great. I didn't think much of this, but back to tonight...
It was a shitty game, but the ice was nice and hard. The rink was unusually hot, and I just couldn't focus for god knows what reason. I've had this problem since I've started playing again, where I just can't seem to focus on the action and the puck, and things just don't go right for me. We were down 5-2, as a result, and whilst moving laterally across the net I caught an edge and fell down. Though embarassing, this used to be no big deal. Now, it almost put me out of action. Even with adrenaline going my body just began to tense up to try and protect the weakened joints. I went from being able to glide around without much work to taking baby steps to try and get an angle. Thankfully, there wasn't much action for the last bit of the game, but by the time it was over I was just dead.
So I barely could carry my stuff to the car. Imagine being punched in the spine, right about where your shoulder blades meet, in that one that kind of sticks out a little more than the others. That's what it feels like, and I am not a happy person about this. It sort of reminds me that I am mortal, that I have limits, and that I can't just do the things I want to do with reckless abandon. Hell, what kills me is the fact that it was me slipping and not doing anything constructive. Just something stupid. When I know the impact is coming, I can brace for it, but this was just sudden and jarring. My elbow took most of it, but the impact just freaked my body out.
So here I am, icing, then heating, then icing again until it feels better, which I hope it does. If it doesn't, well, I don't know what I'll do. Already I am old and frail, at the tender age of 22. I had the thought that these things just don't happen, but they happen all the time. Really, aren't we all just lucky to be alive?
-ccmas
posted by CCMAS | 11:21 PM
1 Comments:
you know, if your condition will last at least 12 months or longer and will keep you from being able to work, you may qualify for social security disability benefits. you might want to look into it.
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