To be a year older and realize things.
At the request of an avid reader, I'm updating. Avid Diva.
So this past weekend I went to ConnColl for my friend Ryan's 21st birthday. It was a good affair, with all things going surprisingly well, but the night highlighted the fact that I most certainly do not like college at all anymore, and really, would rather spend a night reading alone than bumping heads with meatbags in Cro.
This sounds harsh. Let me explain.
The reason that I want to go to Conn is to see my friends, the ones that I know and love. These are people that I formed meaningful relationships with, and whether they were at Conn or Kuwait, I would track them down and visit them. I may take a while to see everyone, but I'll get there. Going to a college puts me back into a college situation, and now that I'm on the outside, I really realize how crazy and how absurd it all really is. I forgot that whilst at school, and had fun. Now, if I have fun, I'm a creepy dude coming back to hit on the frosh. I guess I'm just feeling like I'm the other now, that I'm marked, and I'm not overly comfortable with that yet.
However, maybe this is all in my mind. Maybe I'm imagining this, but I feel as though I am not. I get a kick out of seeing my friends, acquaintances, and all the rest, but I care little for the bad parts of the experience. I don't want to see certain people, and I don't care to really meet new people. I will do both, if needed, but really I'm there for a very limited reason. I'm harsh on myself and my role there.
In short, I feel that every second after the party that I spend on campus without a designated task is one second too long. After the purpose is gone, I have no use, and should cease to exist. I'll see my people then leave. After all, we all don't want to be "that guy".
-ccmas
At the request of an avid reader, I'm updating. Avid Diva.
So this past weekend I went to ConnColl for my friend Ryan's 21st birthday. It was a good affair, with all things going surprisingly well, but the night highlighted the fact that I most certainly do not like college at all anymore, and really, would rather spend a night reading alone than bumping heads with meatbags in Cro.
This sounds harsh. Let me explain.
The reason that I want to go to Conn is to see my friends, the ones that I know and love. These are people that I formed meaningful relationships with, and whether they were at Conn or Kuwait, I would track them down and visit them. I may take a while to see everyone, but I'll get there. Going to a college puts me back into a college situation, and now that I'm on the outside, I really realize how crazy and how absurd it all really is. I forgot that whilst at school, and had fun. Now, if I have fun, I'm a creepy dude coming back to hit on the frosh. I guess I'm just feeling like I'm the other now, that I'm marked, and I'm not overly comfortable with that yet.
However, maybe this is all in my mind. Maybe I'm imagining this, but I feel as though I am not. I get a kick out of seeing my friends, acquaintances, and all the rest, but I care little for the bad parts of the experience. I don't want to see certain people, and I don't care to really meet new people. I will do both, if needed, but really I'm there for a very limited reason. I'm harsh on myself and my role there.
In short, I feel that every second after the party that I spend on campus without a designated task is one second too long. After the purpose is gone, I have no use, and should cease to exist. I'll see my people then leave. After all, we all don't want to be "that guy".
-ccmas
posted by CCMAS | 1:44 AM
1 Comments:
This is precisely why I have yet to come back because I am afraid of getting the identical feeling.
However, I am hoping Fall Weekend will be enough to legitimize my presence, if only for the same reasons you suggest.
0AK
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