Still feel sick to my stomach, still nervous about who i am going to be, and where it is all heading.

i'm going to become a stock trader this summer. I'm reading books and everything. I'm surprisingly excited about the prospect.
I want to sign up for a german language intensive for the first part of the summer. I want to speak it like a Kraut, so to speak.
This summer is going to be interesting. The big question is: what about the next few months?

That's what freaks me out. Where do i go from here? I still have feelings that have not gone away, and grow stronger as the distance does. damn that lack bringing a need. Need to figure this all out. I think i'm getting down to a normal sleep schedule. I hope things work out, I really do. I don't want to be depressed or down this whole break. I want to see the people i want to see, regardless of personal bullshit. Eyes on the prize. Why waste time with feelings and failings, enjoy it while you can. Too much bad shit's been going on recently, i need to live it up while i can, while i am here. The amount of injuries going around is making me feel shockingly mortal, and thinking that a day wasted is a day lost, forever, and i will never get that day back, so i have to live for the moment, and enjoy it, otherwise i'm wasting something really beautiful and important. I can't do that, i can't let that happen, so i need to live a little bit. Maybe i'll take a drive somewhere, see something new, and meet some new people, maybe some old ones, maybe the young too. I just need to do something now, to fill that gap. I want to fill that gap; I want to be complete again.

Until the next depressing post...