"Well I've seen the danger of your rising sign
and I swear, I'd like
to drink the fuel straight from your lighter"

A claw game. A doll. Illegal fireworks. Immense burgers, brats, beer, and most of all, Monday Night Raw. My friends really know how to make a guy feel at home before he takes off. Seriously, nothing beats blowing up a doll at 3 am with incredibly loud fireworks. Nothing. Well, maybe sex...but GOOD sex.

On another note, I think I am sufficiently freaking out my apartment mate. I need to talk to her about some things, but it'll be cool.

To think aloud for a bit, if I have a room, it should be my room, thus my domain...I don't know about some things...I'm sort of viewing the apartment as a small dorm where I just happen to have a room. When I'm in that room, I'm in my world, though I'll leave the door open. If I invite someone into that room, that's my perogative, ja? Like, if I were sleeping with someone, or if I wanted to play D&D with someone, or smoke a joint, that would be my perogative, in my room. The last example is a bit much, but in general, if I'm just letting someone sleep there, that should be my problem. I'm not forcing this person upon all the other people. I'm bearing the burden. This is going to get me so fucked, I fear, like I'm using this to play politics, but you know what? I don't know what. I just want to write out my thoughts. Maybe this whole public blog thing is an experiment gone wrong. Intended to give people I know and care about that are far away a mirror into my life, it may bite me in the ass, as local folks will read it, really realize my side of things, how I feel, and then accuse me of propoganda. Maybe not. Maybe that's a good thing. I've always been better at saying what I'm really thinking on paper, and not saying it to people. It's that Italian temper. I avoid conflict because when I get into one, I have to win. I don't back down on things I care about. I just feel like my room should be my place, and who I bring in there should be my worry, especially if the person is sleeping there.

God, my mind is all over the place. I'm a little loose with my thoughts now, but not too loose. I really don't want to upset anyone, heavens no, but I will discuss things with people when I get there, and by "there" I mean my apartment. I'll set things straight. I think that the jist, or gyst, or however that is spelled, of what I desire might have been misconstued over the net. To Erika (sara), I don't mean to put up this person for a long time, just a few nights, and by a few nights, I mean sleeping nights. I'm not going to be that into hanging out after the first bit anywho, because I need to have a proposal researched and typed out, and handed in very early in September. This person would literally just sleep there. I may hang out with her because while I have met her on several occasions, it is only over the summer, and mainly through the internet, that myself and this person have become friendly.

Sorry to use the old blog to deliver a memo, but I figure if I go AWOL tomorrow, you'll probably see this thing, and as such get a better idea of what I was trying to say. Or not. I'm not overly sure what I just wrote makes a ton of sense, as I am tired, very mildly inebriated, and just writing for the sake of. Don't worry kiddo, I won't do anything to freak you out.

Did I mention I'm making a shoe box coffin for the doll?

"I used to love her, but I had to kill her
I used to lover her, but I had to kill her
I knew I'd miss her, so I had to keep her
she's buried right in my backyard"

(first lyrics from Mike Doughty (www.mikedoughty.com) second from Guns N Roses)

-ccm