The Reality of Life.

Today was the worst day of my college career and the absolute best. It turns out that the cockblocking had worked, and Phil had established himself as a force in the life of Sarah. She, being a freethinking sort, took a liking to the outlandish personality that is Phil, and thus they may start dating, or something like it. Needless to say, I was not happy with this turn of events, as I've like this girl for quite a while.

In fact, I went through an entire roll of Tums today.
Hate those things.

So Phil denies responsibility for anything, which on the front of Sarah, is true. He cannot make a person feel a certain way, but the thing that he did do was agitate the situation. Rather than letting me run my course, he interjected himself, and in all honesty, that is what did it. She made the choice, but he ruined my chances.

Today I was so irate that I scared people. If you have known me for any stretch of time at all, you know that I tend to keep my cool, for the most part, at least at school...but anywho, today I lost it. Or I should say I kept it a little too well. I never yelled at Phil, never loudly, but inside, where the acid was bubbling, my anger was boiling. At dinner I sat across from the fiend, and I stared through him. People were amazed at the blatant anger in my face and body. My back was straight, my jaw square. For the few that have ever seen me angry, they know that I am possibly the least pleasant person to be around. That was kept inside, but the message was sent: a single word, and you, my "friend", are dead.

I cooled off some. Was sort of numb and tired. I went to Cro with Josh and Jonny Fong. It was during this that I began to realize something. People love me. The collective Js were there for me, supporting me and getting me through this. Zach West was there earlier, as well as Tim and Elly. They were coming out of the woodwork. Pete was my man throughout as well...people I didn't even know were there. Ryan Kelly came out in full support of me, and really made me see something that I was missing.

You see, while I may have potentially lost a girl, one that I care about in an irrational way, I gained perspective. I saw that there are a bunch of people who I know, a bunch of friends that saw me in need, and they gave me support. They showed a love for me which really shocked me and just made me smile. I had just had my heart torn asunder, and I was smiling. These guys put aside things that they had to do to show me a good time, and for that, I am eternally thankful.

Hell, I even saw Piya! I never get to see her, even though she is uber cool and we should hang out more...(hint)

There were 2 things that really clinched this night for me, aside from the love of my friends. One was a message from my mother, about how she made a dinner I liked, but she realized that I wasn't there. That made me think that I should talk to her more, and of the love and affection that is there. The other thing caught me totally of guard. When I walked into my room, I sense that there was something wrong. A gut feeling. I crept over to my light, and with a flick, illuminated the space.

It was a note:

Dear CCMAS,
I know that today was not cool. I wish it could have gone exactly how you wanted. I hope that tomorrow is better, but if it's not...I'm right across the hall.
Goodnight,
Natalie

And with that, I felt all warm. I'm going to sleep well, with hopes and dreams to come, full of promise, and not thinking of anything but love.

Here's to Chris Mastellone and his future endeavours!

-ccm

ps. Jonny, you are awesome, contrary to previous posts

(song lyrics:
I know you deceived me, couldn't sleep last night
Now my tear stains on the wall reflect an ugly sight
I can see your secrets
No need to confess
Everyone looks naked when you know the world's address

The world's address
A place that's worn
A sad pun that reflects a sadder mess
I'll repeat it for those who may not have already guessed
The world's address
-"The World's Address", They Might Be Giants)