Inspiration, thy name is self reflection...
THE STATE OF THE CHRIS ADRESS, or something to that effect
"Love is only a feeling, drifting away"
To begin with, I took an hour long shower, or one that seemed like it was that long. I had played golf earlier this day past, and had not been able to shower since. Friction burned on my shoulder, I looked at myself. I looked at the scars, the skin, the bones, the muscle, the fat, I looked at it all, myself, and I realized that this is who I am. This is the body that I am stuck with, for 21 years and counting. I need to take care of it. I've developed some bad habits as of late. I like to smoke cigars once in a while, and maybe a cigarette or two. I need to cut that out. I don't want to drink to excess: I need to keep this thing going. I want to work out more, to ensure longevity and to feel good. I enjoy working out, in an active way, and I intend to do so. Squash is my game as of late, as is golf, as is. The two of them combine to make me feel good about myself and my poor habits of consumption and complaining.
Always cynical, it would seem to me this year that I have become quite vocal in my objections, my feelings, and in my being. I make noise now, and though I am not a scene stealer by any means, it is a step up. Now people know what I feel about things. This comes from my trip to Japan, and how I was loud and boistrous over there because the majority of people had no idea what I was saying. This gives a person with confidence issues a major boost, as you can rant and rave to your heart's content and not worry about people getting offended. I hate offending people. I try to avoid it at all costs, but there are some times when I do it and I don't mean it. I feel like I may have offended Dana this past eve, but I doubt that she will hold it against me forever. I hope.
Love. I have eyes for a girl, one that most of the readers of my self indulgence do not know. I have never actually spoken to said person, but whenever she is around she steals my eye. I find myself talking to people I don't like so I have an excuse to look in her direction, and then I make like I am thinking so I can just stare into the distance. I think I may end up building her up in my mind without a good image of her to work off of, but what the hell. The school year is early, and while everything around me is dying, I can only hope that love may grow and blossom. Preferably beating out the actual blossoming of trees and the such by a good few months.
Did I mention that I am a hopeless romantic at times? Probably not. I tend to be the cynical one. I think love is possibly the most amazing thing in the world. No single emotion has evoked such a wide range of actions, perceptions, and thoughts. It really amazes me what people will do for love, or the search of it. I know I am trying to use people I know to meet her, but that's minor. There are people that kill for love, maim for it, cry for it, and curse gods for the lack of it. We've all been there, maybe not the killing, per se, but we have all longed for love, the ultimate in human experience.
When you find that person that you love, the one that holds you so tightly, so dearly, so warmly, don't let go. Don't be creepy about it, but cherish that person as if every moment that you spend with them could be your last. The thing about life, the really crazy thing, is that you never know when it's going to end. Tonight I smoked a cigar. I could get lung cancer from that. Not a habit, but from THAT cigar. Is it likely? No. Possible? Maybe. Life can end in an instant, so hold that special someone dearly. Love them like they are your world, make them feel welcome and at home. You should be their home, the place that makes them feel warm. Wherever you are, they lay their hat, and they are at ease. That's what one should do for the one they love.
I don't believe in God. I did for a while, but I can't buy into it now. It's funny. I want to believe that there is something after all of this, after life, after death, but the coldness in me creeps back in, and I see that after you die, things happen very mechanically. Energy disperses into the atmosphere, we rot, are consumed, and new things grow. The circle of life and death. Souls? Nice to think that they exist, but I don't even know where to begin on that one. We are all unique, like a dog or a cat. The only thing that really is different is that we can say what we want to each other, and articulate our diversity. I'm sure Rover and Miffy are different, but we just can't hear them explain it. Well, we can hear, but not understand. The point is that we are animals, and we created this crazy concept of God to let us cope with the dire inevitability of death. That's how I think of it. The thing that I want to believe the most is not that there is a god, but that when we die we get recycled and get to live again. That would be amazing.
I realized something about humans one night while watching a dvd that I piked up in Pearl Harbor. The dvd focussed on war photography, really movie making. By war, I'm talking about combat photgraphers. The footage was in colour, and uncensored. The revelation came when an American warplane crashed on the runway, WW2 era plane that is, and burned. After burning itself out, the ground crew pulled the remains of the pilot from the plane. What the hooks retrieved was a charred piece of flesh. Cooked. Like steak. Like the meat that we eat. In that singular moment, that late night, I realized that we really are just another animal. We cook like they do. You put us on a spit with some rub and we are bbq. The death of that one man, who died in a war over 60 years old, showed me that about life. Think of the squirrel, run down in the street. That squirrel didn't see that coming. He wasn't special, he didn't have a lot to live for. He lived, and died. Do we think of squirrels going to heaven? No. We created heaven to distinguis us from the animals that we see dying all around us, that we eat and enjoy. We cook like the squirrel would. We are complex, but we are still animals. Dogs may believe in god, but does it matter? We don't know that. Would god believe in a dog? Who are we to say what is omnipotent or encompassing of life. Who are we to create out own restrictions? Why should one live by these arcane codes? Why do we run our country by them? Why do women live in fear, why do people hate? Why the hate?
We are animals who learned how to talk, to band together, distinguish someone as the other, and hate them. Organized hate is dangerous.
Though I intended to talk more about my state right now, I wandered. In a way however, I think that I articulated my particular state at the moment.
(lyric by The Darkness)
-ccm
THE STATE OF THE CHRIS ADRESS, or something to that effect
"Love is only a feeling, drifting away"
To begin with, I took an hour long shower, or one that seemed like it was that long. I had played golf earlier this day past, and had not been able to shower since. Friction burned on my shoulder, I looked at myself. I looked at the scars, the skin, the bones, the muscle, the fat, I looked at it all, myself, and I realized that this is who I am. This is the body that I am stuck with, for 21 years and counting. I need to take care of it. I've developed some bad habits as of late. I like to smoke cigars once in a while, and maybe a cigarette or two. I need to cut that out. I don't want to drink to excess: I need to keep this thing going. I want to work out more, to ensure longevity and to feel good. I enjoy working out, in an active way, and I intend to do so. Squash is my game as of late, as is golf, as is. The two of them combine to make me feel good about myself and my poor habits of consumption and complaining.
Always cynical, it would seem to me this year that I have become quite vocal in my objections, my feelings, and in my being. I make noise now, and though I am not a scene stealer by any means, it is a step up. Now people know what I feel about things. This comes from my trip to Japan, and how I was loud and boistrous over there because the majority of people had no idea what I was saying. This gives a person with confidence issues a major boost, as you can rant and rave to your heart's content and not worry about people getting offended. I hate offending people. I try to avoid it at all costs, but there are some times when I do it and I don't mean it. I feel like I may have offended Dana this past eve, but I doubt that she will hold it against me forever. I hope.
Love. I have eyes for a girl, one that most of the readers of my self indulgence do not know. I have never actually spoken to said person, but whenever she is around she steals my eye. I find myself talking to people I don't like so I have an excuse to look in her direction, and then I make like I am thinking so I can just stare into the distance. I think I may end up building her up in my mind without a good image of her to work off of, but what the hell. The school year is early, and while everything around me is dying, I can only hope that love may grow and blossom. Preferably beating out the actual blossoming of trees and the such by a good few months.
Did I mention that I am a hopeless romantic at times? Probably not. I tend to be the cynical one. I think love is possibly the most amazing thing in the world. No single emotion has evoked such a wide range of actions, perceptions, and thoughts. It really amazes me what people will do for love, or the search of it. I know I am trying to use people I know to meet her, but that's minor. There are people that kill for love, maim for it, cry for it, and curse gods for the lack of it. We've all been there, maybe not the killing, per se, but we have all longed for love, the ultimate in human experience.
When you find that person that you love, the one that holds you so tightly, so dearly, so warmly, don't let go. Don't be creepy about it, but cherish that person as if every moment that you spend with them could be your last. The thing about life, the really crazy thing, is that you never know when it's going to end. Tonight I smoked a cigar. I could get lung cancer from that. Not a habit, but from THAT cigar. Is it likely? No. Possible? Maybe. Life can end in an instant, so hold that special someone dearly. Love them like they are your world, make them feel welcome and at home. You should be their home, the place that makes them feel warm. Wherever you are, they lay their hat, and they are at ease. That's what one should do for the one they love.
I don't believe in God. I did for a while, but I can't buy into it now. It's funny. I want to believe that there is something after all of this, after life, after death, but the coldness in me creeps back in, and I see that after you die, things happen very mechanically. Energy disperses into the atmosphere, we rot, are consumed, and new things grow. The circle of life and death. Souls? Nice to think that they exist, but I don't even know where to begin on that one. We are all unique, like a dog or a cat. The only thing that really is different is that we can say what we want to each other, and articulate our diversity. I'm sure Rover and Miffy are different, but we just can't hear them explain it. Well, we can hear, but not understand. The point is that we are animals, and we created this crazy concept of God to let us cope with the dire inevitability of death. That's how I think of it. The thing that I want to believe the most is not that there is a god, but that when we die we get recycled and get to live again. That would be amazing.
I realized something about humans one night while watching a dvd that I piked up in Pearl Harbor. The dvd focussed on war photography, really movie making. By war, I'm talking about combat photgraphers. The footage was in colour, and uncensored. The revelation came when an American warplane crashed on the runway, WW2 era plane that is, and burned. After burning itself out, the ground crew pulled the remains of the pilot from the plane. What the hooks retrieved was a charred piece of flesh. Cooked. Like steak. Like the meat that we eat. In that singular moment, that late night, I realized that we really are just another animal. We cook like they do. You put us on a spit with some rub and we are bbq. The death of that one man, who died in a war over 60 years old, showed me that about life. Think of the squirrel, run down in the street. That squirrel didn't see that coming. He wasn't special, he didn't have a lot to live for. He lived, and died. Do we think of squirrels going to heaven? No. We created heaven to distinguis us from the animals that we see dying all around us, that we eat and enjoy. We cook like the squirrel would. We are complex, but we are still animals. Dogs may believe in god, but does it matter? We don't know that. Would god believe in a dog? Who are we to say what is omnipotent or encompassing of life. Who are we to create out own restrictions? Why should one live by these arcane codes? Why do we run our country by them? Why do women live in fear, why do people hate? Why the hate?
We are animals who learned how to talk, to band together, distinguish someone as the other, and hate them. Organized hate is dangerous.
Though I intended to talk more about my state right now, I wandered. In a way however, I think that I articulated my particular state at the moment.
(lyric by The Darkness)
-ccm
posted by CCMAS | 3:09 AM
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