Feeling stifled right now, in my room. I want to get out of here and do something, the old idea of doing something great, but that never happens. I am limited in my potential, my possibility. I cannot escape the inevitable interactions, I cannot escape this feeling of dread that is creeping up inside of me. I'm getting tired of school, of this commitment, and I want to be able to roam free some, for a while, to get my bearings by getting lost. I don't want to hear about anything. All that I would want, in this ideal moment, this perfection that I envision right now, is silence.
In this mindset that I am in, I don't want to deal with it. I just want to crawl into bed and sleep, and not worry about a thing. I would be able to run, to jump, and do all those things without pain, without this goddamn ankle holding me back. Running is lovely when you haven't done it with a full stride for over a month. Every time I think that it's getting better, I find a new way to twist it a bit, to tweak it. I don't do well with imposed limitations, even if they are given to me by my own body. Frustration sets in. I still can't even come close to pointing my foot. I feel tension, like something will tear or break, and pain. It really is bothersome, to say the least, and it makes sleeping a bit of a chore, as it aches then.
I am settling on doing what is right in the moment, and really not caring. I think John might come to visit, which would be amazingly awesome, though I wonder whether people here would get along with him. I wonder too much, in general, to say the least. Actually, I haven't really wondered in a while, like sat down and thought about the possibility of things. I have a bit, but not the long sessions of pondering like I used to have. I am a lot more content in this day and age, in general, and in spite of my current sour mood and desire for oblivion.
It's surprising to me, but I am in a completely people hating mood right now. I don't want to deal with anyone or even talk to a single person. Just sort of down on humanity right now. Overly tired, waiting impatiently for something to end. Oh yeah, the semester.
ok, feeling better once i sleep and am productive
-ccm
In this mindset that I am in, I don't want to deal with it. I just want to crawl into bed and sleep, and not worry about a thing. I would be able to run, to jump, and do all those things without pain, without this goddamn ankle holding me back. Running is lovely when you haven't done it with a full stride for over a month. Every time I think that it's getting better, I find a new way to twist it a bit, to tweak it. I don't do well with imposed limitations, even if they are given to me by my own body. Frustration sets in. I still can't even come close to pointing my foot. I feel tension, like something will tear or break, and pain. It really is bothersome, to say the least, and it makes sleeping a bit of a chore, as it aches then.
I am settling on doing what is right in the moment, and really not caring. I think John might come to visit, which would be amazingly awesome, though I wonder whether people here would get along with him. I wonder too much, in general, to say the least. Actually, I haven't really wondered in a while, like sat down and thought about the possibility of things. I have a bit, but not the long sessions of pondering like I used to have. I am a lot more content in this day and age, in general, and in spite of my current sour mood and desire for oblivion.
It's surprising to me, but I am in a completely people hating mood right now. I don't want to deal with anyone or even talk to a single person. Just sort of down on humanity right now. Overly tired, waiting impatiently for something to end. Oh yeah, the semester.
ok, feeling better once i sleep and am productive
-ccm
posted by CCMAS | 2:18 AM
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