Farquar slang tobalt
Schultly varslblard kadant
hulti itslamamam gusto gus

gusto gus still loki, loki still lanked
lanked furstors, feersteered, festuned
Filtingh ghatsley gholus, jibiliante

inkolo akala, sibliotic cimbilsim
motorek hublibut rewagh.

-Chris

There is a certain point where you ask yourself, "What the fuck am I doing."

That point has come and gone, and I have a pretty good vision of the next few months in my head. It's a pretty flexible view of things, but I know at the very least where I'll be, what I'll be doing, and why. I have goals and dreams, and I want to try and do something about them.

But there's always that question, the "what the fuck" one. It's a hard one. To do what you want sometimes means that people need to get hurt. I'm not talking physically. Sometimes doing the best thing for yourself isn't the best for others, and as nice as a person (me) may be, in spite of themselves, sometimes you need to hurt people. It's just the way that life is, and it's the way that things will need to be.

I don't like this fact, however. I hate making people feel bad, putting a damper on their mood. I really do. There's something about deflating a person that really sucks. But then again, there's a point where you have to do what you have to do, and nothing will change that.Right now I'm rationalizing to myself things that need to be done, and just writing for this reason.

God, I long to do something that's worthwhile again, I long to be places I'm not, and living the life that I truly want as opposed to the life that I have. There''s no reason I shouldn't, there's nothing that can stop me except myself. And that's the hardest thing of all.

-ccm

This is something that I started writing last night. It's something that will hopefully evolve into something a lot better, but it has a lot of ideas I really like in it. There are some formatting issues, since I cut and pasted it, but just use your head. It's a play or something.



SECRETARY OF STATE REYNOLDS
The President’s drunk again.
VICE PRESIDENT MEYERS
Well, what else is new.
SECRETARY OF STATE REYNOLDS
The trouble is...
VICE PRESIDENT MEYERS
What’s happened?
SECRETARY OF STATE REYNOLDS
Well, he punched out the Ruling Prince of Liechenstein.
VICE PRESIDENT MEYERS
Crap.
SECRETARY OF STATE REYNOLDS
Tell me about it. The UN isn’t going to take this lightly.
VICE PRESIDENT MEYERS
Nor the press. Have you told Richards, Reynolds?
SECRETARY OF STATE REYNOLDS
Oh yeah. He’s spinning.
VICE PRESIDENT MEYERS
Good good. It’s what he does best.
SECRETARY OF STATE REYNOLDS
Mike, this isn’t going to end well. We’ve got to do something about his drinking.
VICE PRESIDENT MEYERS
Well damnit, what can we do? We’ve tried rehab, we’ve tried the whole cold turkey thing. Nothing’s working.
SECRETARY OF STATE REYNOLDS
It’s amazing the places that man can store a 30 rack.
VICE PRESIDENT MEYERS
Well, he is the president.
Press Sec Richards walks in.
PRESS SEC RICHARDS
Well boys, he’s done it.
VICE PRESIDENT MEYERS
Richards.
PRESS SEC RICHARDS
Meyers.
SECRETARY OF STATE REYNOLDS
Richards.
PRESS SEC RICHARDS
There’s no good way to spin this.
SECRETARY OF STATE REYNOLDS
What the hell is that supposed to mean?
PRESS SEC RICHARDS
Well, there is no way to make the president drunkenly punching out the ruler of not only the smallest nation, but a neutral one as well.
SECRETARY OF STATE REYNOLDS
Well...we could make something up.
PRESS SEC RICHARDS
I’m trying.
VICE PRESIDENT MEYERS
We could say they have nukes.
He gets stared down.
VICE PRESIDENT MEYERS
I’m just saying is all.
PRESS SEC RICHARDS
Look. The man has done nothing wrong.
VICE PRESIDENT MEYERS
Or, has he? What’s Leichtenstein do, anyways?
SECRETARY OF STATE REYNOLDS
Oh God, I don’t know. Nothing much really. Aren’t they a tax break for someone?
VICE PRESIDENT MEYERS
Well, the point is, we find out what they do, find something wrong with it, and then go after them on that.
PRESS SEC RICHARDS
But that still doesn’t explain why one head of state would punch out another one.
VICE PRESIDENT MEYERS
Do I have to do your job for you Richards? We’ll just say that the Princess threatened our national security or something, and that our man wouldn’t take a threat like that sitting down.
PRESS SEC RICHARDS
Well, he passed out after he slugged him.
SECRETARY OF STATE REYNOLDS
I think we should just make sure that that never airs. Anywhere. Ever.
PRESS SEC RICHARDS
Probably the best idea.
SECRETARY OF STATE REYNOLDS
Hey, don’t they do a lot of money laundering there?
PRESS SEC RICHARDS
I think I saw that in a movie once.
VICE PRESIDENT MEYERS
That’s good enough boys. Let’s make right by this man. After all, he is our commander in cheif.
The scene blacks out as the American Flag is spotlit.
We see a bed in a hotel room. The President is on it. There is a woman by his side.
PRESIDENT CARTER
(groggily)
Aw, hell, what happened.
AIDE MADELINE
Do you really want to know?
PRESIDENT CARTER
Maddie, just lay it on me. The last thing I knew I was on Air Force One nursing a nice buzz.
AIDE MADELINE
Well, you arrived in Leichtenstein alright, and met with the Prince.
PRESIDENT CARTER
Well that’s good.
AIDE MADELINE
Then we quickly left.
PRESIDENT CARTER
What happened? Something bad in the States?
AIDE MADELINE
Well no.
PRESIDENT CARTER
Well?
AIDE MADELINE
You punched the Prince. Hard.
PRESIDENT CARTER
Damn. Then he knocked me out?
AIDE MADELINE
Not quite. You dropped him sir, like a prizefighter.
PRESIDENT CARTER
I’ve still got it.
AIDE MADELINE
Then you puked on yourself, passed out, and the secret service got you back on the plane.
PRESIDENT CARTER
Send those boys a Christmas Ham. A turkey for Weinstein.
AIDE MADELINE
Sir, you’ve caused an international incident.
PRESIDENT CARTER
Nah.
AIDE MADELINE
Nah?
PRESIDENT CARTER
It’s just Leichtenstein, what can they do, right?
AIDE MADELINE
They have the bomb.
PRESIDENT CARTER
What?
AIDE MADELINE
No they don’t. But it would be scary. You can’t just go around the world punching out heads of state. It’s not becoming for the President of the United States.
PRESIDENT CARTER
Look Maddie. I didn’t become the first bachelor Catholic President of the United States because I did what people said couldn’t be done. No, I did what I wanted to do, and by God, I wanted to be President. I’ll go around punching out who I want, or else my name isn’t Jimmy Carter.
AIDE MADELINE
At least stop drinking. If you don’t stop drinking, they’ll say you were the bad President Carter.
PRESIDENT CARTER
That’s like me stopping breathing. You don’t need a breathalizer to steer a nation.
AIDE MADELINE
But you need some common sense. You know what he said that made you punch him?
PRESIDENT CARTER
Let me guess, he was saying hello.
AIDE MADELINE
He was proposing a trade agreement. It wasn’t much, but it was something. You looked him square in the eyes, got up, walked over to the other side of the table, made him stand up...
PRESIDENT CARTER
Then I clocked him?
AIDE MADELINE
No. You went to shake his hand, then you hit him. Right in the jaw. He just dropped. Then you did what I told you about before.
PRESIDENT CARTER
Well, where are we now?
AIDE MADELINE
We’re in a train bound for France. They Royal Guard wouldn’t let us take off, so we smuggled you on this train.
PRESIDENT CARTER
Wow, this is so Cold War.
AIDE MADELINE
Yes. I suppose.
PRESIDENT CARTER
When do we arrive?
AIDE MADELINE
In a few minutes. Then we’ll get picked up by Air Force One and flown home. The staff is already handling the fallout from this incident.
PRESIDENT CARTER
Good. That’s why I hired them.
Madeline sighs as the lights dim on that scene. Back to the staff room.
PRESS SEC RICHARDS
So the President punched out the Prince because he was offering a highly illegal trade deal to him, involving money laundering.
SECRETARY OF STATE REYNOLDS
That sounds about right.
VICE PRESIDENT MEYERS
I think that’ll do.
SECRETARY OF STATE REYNOLDS
He was defending the virgin integrity of American from that vile monarchy.
VICE PRESIDENT MEYERS
Can’t trust a monarchy. Kings and Queens. We broke free of that over 200 years ago.
PRESS SEC RICHARDS
We still like England.
VICE PRESIDENT MEYERS
Well enough.
PRESS SEC RICHARDS
Ok. So we’ve got a story, we’ve got the President en route back to the states, what else do we need?
SECRETARY OF STATE REYNOLDS
The footage.
PRESS SEC RICHARDS
Actually I’ve looked into that. It turns out that the Leichtensteini state television never backs up any live recordings, and their broadcast range is only 60 miles.
SECRETARY OF STATE REYNOLDS
That means everyone in the country could’ve seen it.
VICE PRESIDENT MEYERS
All 40,000 of them.
SECRETARY OF STATE REYNOLDS
At least it ends there. They speak German, right?
VICE PRESIDENT MEYERS
I think so. Something like that, anyway.
SECRETARY OF STATE REYNOLDS
This is good, this is good. Everyone loves a badguy with a German accent, right?
PRESS SEC RICHARDS
Yeah. No one will believe a money laundering prince who sounds like a Nazi. No one.
VICE PRESIDENT MEYERS
Was there any international press there?
SECRETARY OF STATE REYNOLDS
Not that I know of.
VICE PRESIDENT MEYERS
Finally, a break.
A buzzer sounds. A secretary is heard.
OFFICE SECRETARY
Sorry to interrupt sir.
VICE PRESIDENT MEYERS
What is it Helga.
OFFICE SECRETARY
It’s the President sir. He’s on the internet punching a Prince.
VICE PRESIDENT MEYERS
What!?! How did this happen?
OFFICE SECRETARY
According to the site, one of the guards got the whole thing on his cell phone.
VICE PRESIDENT MEYERS
Aw crap. So now they’ll see it all.
SECRETARY OF STATE REYNOLDS
How do we explain the fake handshake?
VICE PRESIDENT MEYERS
I don’t think we can boys. I think it’s all downhill from here.
The lights drop. Placard: End of day 1. Day 2.
The President is sitting with his men. And Madeline.
PRESS SEC RICHARDS
Well Mr. President, the video is now being shown on all major news outlets. The public doesn’t quite know what to think.
AIDE MADELINE
Apparently the latest polls show that thirty eight percent of the people think you are a reckless menace while forty think that seing politicians fight is, “cool”.
PRESIDENT CARTER
So this is a good thing. A really good thing. This makes me the strongest president.
VICE PRESIDENT MEYERS
Jimmy, I’m not sure about the strongest. Have you seen the guy they’ve got running North Korea. He’s old, but in fine shape. Ivan’s pretty built too.
PRESIDENT CARTER
I’ll take them all on.
(hitting the buzzer to call his secretary)
Helga, I want a title belt made. Make it out of gold, and make sure it has fifty stars on it.
OFFICE SECRETARY
Right away Mr. President.
PRESIDENT CARTER
Damn she’s good.
PRESS SEC RICHARDS
Sir, why are you making a title belt?
PRESIDENT CARTER
Because I can do your job better than you can.
He cracks open a PBR.
SECRETARY OF STATE REYNOLDS
Where did he get that from?
VICE PRESIDENT MEYERS
You’d be amazed where he keeps those.
PRESIDENT CARTER
I propose that I fly around the world and fight other heads of state. If they can beat me, they can take my belt. The benefits of this will be twofold.
AIDE MADELINE
This is insanity.
PRESIDENT CARTER
Rod!
PRESS SEC RICHARDS
Yes Mr. President?
PRESIDENT CARTER
Call me a press conferance.
We see the President behind a podium, with his title belt over his shoulder.
PRESIDENT CARTER
To the American people, I want to say that what happened in Leichtenstein was not an accident. This is a dangerous world that we live in, and a man needs to take whatever steps are needed to ensure the safety of his home. That is why I dropped that man, and why I had this belt made. This belt shows that I am the leader of the strongest nation on Earth. While I hold it, I am the most powerful man in the world. I propose that I travel around the globe defending my belt against other world leaders. The benefits of this will be twofold. Firstly, as I engage my fellow leaders in hand to hand combat, I will gain a vantage point into their minds. Only when one locks grips with a foe does one really get to know who they are inside. Leichtenstein was just the beginning. I’m going to start with the monarchies and the neutral countries, and work my way around the world. That’s right England, I’m coming for you. I’m laying it down in the House of Commons. You versus me Jack. Bring your Scotland, bring your Ireland, bring it all. Your kingdom will be un-united by me and my administration. Oh yeah, that’s right! Here’s the stakes. We win, you lose the tariffs. You win, you get the belt. No arguing. 2 weeks. Train up, pansy boy!
(beat)
The second point is that this will promote a new age in the selection of presidential candidates. Not only will the smartest man need to be chosen, but the most physically fit. The President must be the biggest and the strongest. This ultimately will lead to a new era of bipartisanship, as Democrats and Republicans will most likely form an unstoppable Presidential tag team. Right now the Vice President is in my corner in spirit, but in 2 years, he’ll be waiting for a tag.
(beat)
Are there any questions? No? Good.
The scene goes dark.


-chris mastellone.

In the latest thinkings, I've sort of been at a loss. I don't know what I want anymore, or even where one should look, for that lack of direction has taken on a most serious tone. This is not to say that I am in dire need of direction and advices, but moreso that I need a little time to thinks, spin, and point. Walk, and claw. The clawing is the best part.

It is times like this that I like to write the most. I stop caring about rules of language and law and start looking for words that sound solid in my mind. I cannot condone my lack of caring for the bylaws of language, but sometimes is just feels better to let some things slide. It's like driving 26 in a 25 at 3 in the morning.

But to try and focus this thing in on something, I think the sun would be a most welcomed guest. The sun, with its rays of love and burning, watching over us and yet we cannot look back for too long, or else we may never look again. It is loved and unapproachable, perfectly distinct, not for us mortals, nor for gods. It is just not us.

But without that molten orb of lovehate we cannot go about our anything. We cannot claw, we cannot thrive. We cannot make opinions on things that do not matter, and carry our bias to our untimely, sunfree, graves. We need its light and heat and energry and everything else that that song tells us we do.

The sun, though immensely important, does not matter to us. We do not care that it is always watching, that its touch is ancient and incomprehensible. We do not care unless it hurts us or stops.

If the sun were to stop, it would be odd. We would be behind the game by so many steps, yet we would not know. Somewhere, an alien who could tell the sun had died would be laughing at us, trying to get a shot of all of humanity at the exact moment when the sunlight ends. It would be akin to opening a trick can of nuts. Suddenly, all of humanity would go agape, and, jaws slackened, we would decend into eternal darkness.

That is, until someone turns on a light. Then we would freeze. Frozen fish around the world would laugh at this fact, however, they're frozen. After the great snowball war over the remaining resources, we would die out and be replaced hopefully by snowmen, who are more willing to cooperate and appreciate things for what they are, and not how they hurt them. The snowmen would pass on legends of the evil sun and how its rays drove a glorious species to madness, destruction, and finally extinction. For all their bluster though, the snowmen would not be able to smell, as carrots had by then been missing from the frozen orb of earth for many generations.

Concluding this ramble, I would like to say that Floralia was very fun, and while the beer and acid may have flowed like wine, thankfully, no one did anything stupid. No mom, I did not do any acid. I don't do that. You know me better than that. Come on. It was fun though, and I think the best one I've had. Also, It's nice to have a little colour on my arms, and fire on my nose.

Until I see you in Valhalla, NY

-CCM

A Typical Day:

I wake up at noon. I hear the yells of the construction workers who are building an apartment complex 8 feet from my window. One day they were speaking german, and now I think they're speaking spanish. The man yells, "Celso! Celsoooooo!", with such intensity that I fear he is injured. The matter of his injury is important to me on two counts. The first is that it would mean that I would need to get out of bed to look out of my window and see his mangled form. The second is that the only Celso I ever knew was a gay man from Portugal who would wear canary yellow corduroys. He might be with them, and hungry.

Ignoring the screams of the migrant worker, I sleep on until close to 1 p.m. At this point I get up and go over to the computer and look for jobs. Finding some that are satisfactory, I send out my resume(s) and try to butter these employers up (this relates to the later activity of sitting around and hoping for emails).

TV comes next. I watch some sportscenter or Cold Pizza, perhaps The Soup, but usually I can't find anything that is really enthralling. I'm not quite hungry yet, so I decide to read or look for more jobs. This is what I've come to call the duldrums. Like Celso's ancestors, I often have the wind knocked out of my sails and end up waiting around for something to happen. This usually takes until 3 p.m., when I decide to eat something.

On today's menu we have things such as left over rice and beans or a fried Spam sandwich. The latter is actually not that bad, but people cringe at the very thought of it. This takes a little time, maybe a half hour. If I have any reason to leave the house today, this is when I'll do it. Usually though, I don't have anything to do.

Now we skip ahead to dinner. It's the same as lunch, but with more complexity. I can go out or eat in. Eating in is fun, as I love to cook, but it is hard to get good ingredients for little. Also, our oven doesn't work, so baking or broiling something is night impossible with what we have. Eating out is fun, but costly, this being New York and all.

Food leads to TV, which then leads to sitting around and waiting for an email or a phone call to somehow give validation to my life. When these don't come, the IMing starts, or the writing...anything that is remotely stimulating to my mind and fingers. Sometimes late night drinking takes over this, but that too is costly and usually leads to a headache. Once the drinking or other thing ends, I usually slump off to sleep. I brought my sheets home to CT to wash them. I forgot to bring them back. My room, in general, looks very unlived in.

Tomorrow will more than likely be the same. Hopefully something gives.

-ccmas